Saturday, 18 February 2012

Truth Is Bitter

                             Please play the song before you start my blog !

I don’t know how I ended to this piece of paper. I don’t know if this is true or not but the feeling it has stirred on me is true and painful. It hurts and will keep hurting till my life. This piece of paper is so full of pain that I was scared to share and I’m sure it gives no one a pleasant feeling after reading this piece of paper. I’m a man and  man aren’t supposed to be sentimental but I’m sharing a thought  and compelling people to think of  the subject I’m going to raise instead of being sentimental. One of my friends told me, “A real man raise the issues but a boy try to hide the issue”. That line was inspiring to me .The so called our “toughness” of man results the negligence and results problems in our life. This problems sometimes results crime either illegally or most inhumanly.
I'm not an exceptional guy because I’ve been raised by the way you were raised. I grew up the way you have been grown up but my thoughts started to linger where I could see a problem. Couple of years ago I was in a serious relationship with this woman, whom I had shared my dream of being together  but later realized that that dream was vacant and we two were really selfish. We broke up for the best.  I was a hypocrite and so was she. We dreamt a dream where there was no place for our old parents. That feeling still terrifies me. This piece of paper exactly brought me that same feeling when I was feeling more guilty than heartbroken.  I don’t think I’m the only one to have this kind of dream. How many of you dreamt a dream with your girlfriend with your old parents in it? If you are honest to yourself, only a few did.
You can't see the pain in my laughter ! Do you ?
We are always busy thinking about our weekend plans and night out and dating. We can chat for hours with our friend on the internet but we don’t seem to have a single second to talk to our old parents (includes granny). Few years back I was really sensible to these things as I had my old granny in my own house.  She was the one to make me feel special in the whole family.  She chose me instead of other 25 grandchildren. I was also special to her but I didn’t bribe her to create such feeling neither did I serve her 24/7. What I did was just a humanly act. I gave her my few minutes to listen her talks and stories that made her day and her face would shine like that of moon. I’m not lying. If you haven’t seen a moon on your granny’s face than try once.  You will see the brightest smile in your life. Those lining on his/ her face, will reflect the happiest memories of his/her youth. Their wrinkled eye bags hold the mystery of their life which they want to share to their children. But we don’t have times. We have becomes the slaves of the technology and gadgets. Our true joys been engulfed by these materialistic world.
Come on ! i'm not Old to Play Computer!
They are not asking us more, they want our happiness and so they won’t bother you with their problems. You have to look for it. We are so foolish that we forget that one day we will be old. The stream we leap on a jump today will be hard to cross even with a bridge. We are real idiots to forget these small things. Just think what we expect when we get old and do the same to your old ones, they will be praying to god for having you. My granny told me when one get old the cycles starts again. Old people start to behave like an infant and dies on the same process. I never understood her but today I can get slightest view of her saying. Once we get old our heart becomes as delicate like of infants, so as our body to disease and climate. Strength tends to be like of infant. That’s the stage where you will feel more pain of the words that hurts you. At this stage you know all the meanings but you are so weak to control your emotions.  Infants tend to be luckier in this case because they can be hurt easily they don’t know why they been hurt and forgets everything soon but it’s different to old people.
i wonder if i could give this smile at his age!
I have spent quite a lot of times with the old people and haven’t regretted a single moment nor have the feeling that I wasted my time. Their serenity always inspired me and wondered how they manage to keep it permanently. I remember everything about my grandmother, her boldness to hide her pain and her smile to fake her wellbeing. These things haunt me. May be I was not old enough to see things in depth.  I remember her temper on me when I was fighting for her because she didn’t want people to mislead.  How could my granny who was so illiterate could have so much wide thinking? We boast of our certificate but certificates are illusory to give birth of false seen of achievement. We are trying to measure our life’s success by our certificates and grades which is shallow because at the end your life’s success is measured by the happiest moment you had and shared with your loved ones.
I’m not barking like a stray dogs but I’m roaring like a lion to let our self-know how foolish we are behaving to ourselves. At the end, no one can resist aging and death. Death timing is a mystery to everyone. That’s the point where god became fair to everyone.  We are ourselves parents and some of us are on the way to parenthood but few only can escapes from this stage. Should I tag them as lucky or unlucky?? I’m just confused. They can tag themselves. 
How developed your thoughts might be?  How strong, educated, independent you might be? You start to bend towards dependence at your old age. None imagine their old life in Care home or hospital or anywhere being apart from their family. That would be the worst nightmare if they have to. They would cry with greatest pain of their life. You won’t be able to make it later. If you aren’t able to serve them just let them stay with their loved ones. Hate in this stage can only be one sided and it’s from our side. They want to stay with their loved ones because they see their past on their new innocent children. They see their dream being accomplished in real. Though how badly they manage to survive with their loved ones they tend to smile with the sense of achievement and pride of being cared. Finally they want to take their last breathe with their loved ones around them with a smile on their face. Death was always a mystery to me. In this case it was more mysterious. My granny sought me before her last breathe as I was away from home for my education. After finally seeing me and holding my hand she took her last breathe but one thing remained always a mystery. She was pointing towards the ceiling with her finger ….but haven’t been able to find its meaning till now. Whenever I remember her and that moment, it gives me a kind of feeling that she wanted to share something with me when I was away. I regret it but I can’t bring that moment.
You can join me !
If you don’t plant anything, it’s your foolishness to expect a tree. It’s same on parenting a child; child is like a barren land. Whatever you plant on him/her, it grows with the same fruit on him/ her. If we raise our child with the sense of responsibility that we expect from them when we grow old you should be doing the same to your parents. We don’t have to create a separate plan for our old parents we just need to give a space on our day to day life. Like, let our children teach their grannies to play video games or teach them video chat with their loved ones.  You will see never forget their grin on their face and creates a strong bond in our family. The dreams we are dreaming with our children were the same dream they dreamt with us.
But the reality is something else.  We are so much in love with the outer world, we are hollow from inside. Our life is like a pumped balloon which looks so colourful but don’t hold the true happiness and freshness of our lives. We are too obsessed with the materialistic happiness. We think of presenting our kids with PSP instead of spending time with them. So we work day and night to fill these needs and at the end up being a “ballooned parents”. But when kids tend to mature, the time spent with them help to shape their future and behaviour not the gift we had presented to them though how hard we might have worked to buy it.
So, for me getting into relationship doesn’t mean the shortest happiness I can see with my girlfriend. I look to the horizon if I can create my world with her that’s where it helps me to differentiate between lust and love.  Saying “I love you” in every conversation seems to be the most difficult things in my relationship because that’s simply telling a lie and being hypocrite.  Just think about what you promise and about the word I love you. You won’t resent if you give it a thought. I don’t tell you to go deeper but don’t make it too shallow so the world might laugh on you. Think before you blabber. And yeah when it comes speaking with the old people dump your anger and bad words in the permanent bin not in the recycle in
“For your present I gave my past!!!! “
Bless me


  1. This is so true. Our parents are the world to us. We may become successful and famous and rich, but we can never repay our parents for what they've done for us. We must never forget that we will become old as well, and what goes around comes around. If we ever make them cry, we'll face the consequences through our children. And life is not certain, so let us not wait for the right time to serve them. Start today... start now...

    1. my words didn't go on vain i think and for the reason i made readers realize that We will be old ..that's what i meant to say ..thanks pranika for ur comment !!!

  2. i dunno what to say my fren.. your words has left me cold yet warm at the same time.. i had goosebumps of regret all over my skin while reading it.. i mean what you have expressed here is so true.. we the younger generation have been so influenced by materialistic things that we'v slowly started to forget the good and the deserving things in life.. like you said, our parents.. as i went through the lines, i was thinking of my dad at the back on my head.. and i was guilty.. cuz i then realized how my (retired) father must have always felt when i come home after a long day and i just occupy myself with the internet.. oh how much he must have wanted to talk to me about how my day was or how much he must have wanted to share what's running in his heart/mind.. just like me, my father is an emotional human being.. and just like how lonely i feel when i get no one to talk to, i'm pretty sure that he must have felt the same.. i feel so bad right now, so ashamed of myself.. but my fren, i am glad you wrote this and opened my eyes.. for now i know what i have done and i know how i can change it.. and yeah, i am also one of the millions who have shamefully dared to dream a dream about our lovers without even thinking of our parents.. how selfish we have become? :(
    and i am really sorry to hear about your granny.. i was unlucky to have never spend quality time with any of my grandparents but still i know, they loved me.. but ur lucky.. in the sense that it was you whom she wanted to see and touch for the very last time before taking her last breath.. i feel she left with a smile in her heart..

    thank you sathi..
    and that tune, is just perfect..
    as true as your feelings..

    keep writing.. i'd love to read more of yours and get more inspired..

    p/s - you don't even seem like someone who has just started writing. :)

  3. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for writing this material! I think you're a very brave youth to have written so openly about your own experiences and feelings. Your writing reminds me of a favorite saying of mine from Emerson, which in effect says: Genius is the ability to express in words (print) what others instantly recognize as their own unexpressed thoughts and ideas. Your efforts are systematically shedding more and more light on the topic of affairs. I am extremely appreciative of your efforts because I believe it is what is needed to get it out of the closet and into a place where it can be examined. It will make all the difference. In urbanisation Nepalese people not only youth but as a whole are becoming so much selfish that they tend to forget and hate their parents and blindly show up fake love to their wife, husband, kids and lover but don't care about their parents and grandparents. They never realise that one-day they are also going to be old. I'm really sorry to hear about your granny.

    Your writing is an eye opener and inspiration to those selfish off springs who have forgotten their parents and don't realise how important parenting is in the early childhoood. Keep it up your writing from your bottom of heart. Succintly, well articulated writing with full of wisdom.

    1. With ur so deep words and wisely chosen statement i feel humble and feel that there is loads of thing to learn and share from you guys.but really appreciate ur comments ..thanks u frm my heart ...yeah u r right we youngsters are being so foolish !! My blog are jst the reflection of my thoughts and what i want to share !!
      hope u would be commenting on my future blog too .thanks

  4. people says...if u have something inside you...take it out...share it with others so that u can feel ease u did bro. ur lines are very much true for the young generation....we do not realize that one day we will be in the same situation ..where our elders are now. if we dont know how to look after them...then how can we pass such nature to our coming generation. see this western culture....its very weird that the old people lack care ....and their family..society is totally least we are not yet upto that stage....if our young generation can feel it n understand it ..every grads and garnnies and our parents will get a smile even in the death bed.

  5. To be honest i wrote this blog after a long thought ...i don't call it deep but brutal thought ....i was on a train and there was this old frail looking woman who was really struggling to walk on an inclined path to next platform ..and she collapsed ...there were people but everyone seemed to b bg with their gadgets and gossips ...i ran as if i were sprinting but later in the train i thought where is human life ?? who could be her children who would let her without any company ?? Am i going to end like her ? A Cold feeling was there ..That incident inspired to write this blog bro ..cheers bro !!!


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