Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Conquering Fear

A perfect Image For My Blog 
Pen did you forget me as I have been away for long or paper have you lost the memories you had with me? Sorry for the break up we had been through but here I’m coming to regain that moments we had in the past. But honestly I don’t like to approach to you directly. No! there is no fault of yours( pen and paper ) .It’s because I have to go through many torturous moments before I come to grip you to make you walk all over the body of paper. You two are my dose, a psychological dose though bitter I have to swallow you , a heartache which I can neither give up nor can I happily embrace it .
My thoughts are inevitable. Maybe I’m not an extrovert to the physical world as I ‘m just used to cherishing with words and letters. I might be infidel who makes himself go crazy, sleepless like an owl with two blunt eyes wide open because of some crazy theories and thoughts that my heart and mind disagree with. My mind whirls like a tsunami wave until it can no more run to its speed. But at some point, I feel like my life has accepted this fact and am happy about this decision. I have started to love to torture myself as I would have been extinct to the world of illusion if I hadn’t been through these torturous moments. I got the chance to discover myself, stretch the intensity of my thoughts and did make my brain nerves discover its flexibility strength.
Let Not Fear Be The Compromise
I don’t wanna be an innocent from the cruel and fraudulent world. A few skirmishes of thoughts, resolving it through my self-made theories, being unsatisfied with the result and rethinking again has led me to the process of invention of new thoughts, new ideas and a tortoise pace to discover the real world. That has become a part of my life and has helped me to gain the moment of modern Boudhistatwa. This has made the fear inside me vanish and has brought the cruel but helpful thoughts to try anything instead of dreaming. I’m trying to persevere my life, trying to walk towards the self-righteous freedom which I have been dreaming since ages.
Practically I have stopped dreaming instead have started to pace my life towards the reality. I’m trying to use words to bolster my thoughts on the bed of reality so that I can be close to the world where I can share my wild thoughts and opinion with different people who are looking the same horizon. I have always tried to be an audacious explorer of my own life. I’m always trying to play with vicious moments, challenging myself if I could create some new positive portrait out of a wrong colour. It’s gruelling. But the excitement and adventure makes it worth to play. It’s dangerous but the guts to take it as a challenge makes you feel that you are worthy enough to the world.
Running Away Isn't A Way To Solution
I was 6/7 when I invented my fear inside me. Though was vicious moment but that taught me how a fear can swallow your precious moments (everything of your life). Fear of getting swayed away by flooding river haunted me till I turned 18, until I challenged my fear with my life and jumped into the deep water without a clue what I was doing. That day I had victory and was able to remove ‘phobia’ from the word ‘water’. Fear has no limit and it’s like a savage beast that you carry though you hate it. Fear can give a birth to some barbarous thoughts and might compel to end up those thoughts into reality. Fear, a barrier of fire towards the world of freedom and is a hindrance to humankind. It’s born with your birth but it’s just a matter of time when you are able to discover it and can manipulate you in such a way, you would lose the direction of your life, to the real world unless you gather the guts to challenge it. If you can’t challenge it you are its next prey. Even you can’t win it over; you must have that courage to challenge it. Preparation is the only weapon to make ‘fear’ to wiggle with its own fear. Life isn’t complete without conquering fear. It’s not me madly blabbering these words neither I’m typing these words in an unconscious state. Yes! I’m in my total wits and senses as that was a word from renowned world’s conqueror and a warrior of the time which my mind could not permanently save his name.
I'm Talking About That Light After Conquering Fear
A fear of failing your exam, fear you couldn’t satisfy your girlfriend/ boyfriend, fear of divorce, fear you would get fat or slim, fear of getting old, dying etc. If you look all around you, you won’t find a single person without fear. I ain’t a perfect person to stand out and set an example but at least I could be the example who is trying to conquer his fear with perfection and trying to fill the Life’s incomplete canvas with different colour. I did start this few years earlier and everyone around me has figured out the difference in me, me of past and present. Let me tell you, this has made me feel like I’m gaining my lost and unknown freedom with which I’m completing my life, setting my life towards my self-defined ‘perfection’. But might I be telling you a lie, writing well thought fake thoughts. There you go already letting your heart and mind letting it engulfed by the fear you hate so much. You let the fear born without thinking a   mille -second, what you fear of, before completely being shaken by it. I’m trying to purge my Marilyn Monroe smile, trying to replace with that of Mona Lisa’s smile, adjoining it with the truth the later one beholds. Mona Lisa’s smile isn’t the perfect smile but she hints the truth about mystery that she beholds in her smile.
My Thought Does Agree With Dale's
‘Fear whom you don’t seem to give a damn about it but you automatically surrender before it attacks you’. A vague premonition gives birth to a cycle of fear. Just challenge it to conquer it. Dive into it, wrestle with it until you get a satisfied conclusion. Fight before you surrender. Surrender always holds a vicious mystery, but if you fight it either you can dig out that mystery with a smile of glory or can have a lifelong satisfaction though you been defeated. I would like to spend a dark and lonely night inside a haunted chalet, surrounded by these giant wild beasts. But that’s just my imagination, my unwanted want. I’m just hinting you that you need to try what you fear most. If you fear of being fat, torture your body with shitloads of exercises, workouts, rough heats and sweats rather than torturing your soul by counting calories disgracefully and making your hungry stomach weep in front of your strangers and making you blush of embarrassment. The first torture I talked presents you with a certificate (of satisfaction of hard work) while the later one gives you an evil laugh letting you be mentally and physically miserable.
The Feeling After Conquering Fear
Dive into solution before fear grabs you. Things bound to happen will happen in life. There is no stopping to it. No one has discovered a machine to display all the premonitions with truths. If you think you are weak at something, wrestle with it till you master all the skills, till you feel you have got that ray of perfection. It always works on me as I’m a tortoise learner and achiever. Don’t let the rudiments of fear start a pyrrhic dance before you show your first move. Be prepared, be brave and let your every move be a step of pyrrhic dance to ‘fear’ and make it fear by its own ‘fear’. Never imagine of a fortress as a world is itself a nasty battlefield. Be prepared as a warrior who ain’t afraid of death like a morally immortal warrior. You will see ‘fear’ fears to take a step towards you. Your eyes glinting with a fire of confidence, bravery and reflection of no regrets will always help to overcome that ‘fear’. Don’t let fear prevail in any war.
Are you still scared of getting old, getting fat, jumping of a plane or fear that you might fear again? Question yourself and make a decision for yourself, if you want to bid good bye to this life with full of fear or want to live a fearless, colourful life and wrestle with death with a smile on your face. #
The choice is yours
Bless me

Thursday, 24 May 2012

The Charring State And Its Eunuch People

(The Blog I’m writing isn’t some stupid and tempered thoughts …it’s a thought, which was swinging in my mind and heart for a long time…. Don’t think I’ against peace, it’s just that I don’t wanna see anymore dead bodies and fake revolt and I’m dying to see my country rising) I’m dying to see my country rising)
I know i'm crazy to dream this !!But can't help

Oh! Been a long time since I haven’t updated my blog, it is because I’m selfish and I admit it. Unless a thunder of grief or tensions doesn’t come to hit my life I don’t get energy to write or express myself. You don’t know how much I hate to write this blog cause I never wanted to write this. But everything has its limit and when it goes beyond limit it takes the other way. I’m writing this, as my blog friends are all from different parts of the world and I want to share the story of my birthplace, my birth country and I’m sure you won’t regret it as it’s a strange story and at some place you can help me commenting on the thoughts and idea you have about my country.
My friends and people (from my country) don’t get me wrong as this blog is just the reflection of my thoughts and I’m not being outsiders or a fake citizen. I know that getting a different passport and trying to mimic foreign accent doesn’t make me foreigner and I also know that even today if I vomit and look for the food particles strung in the gap of my teeth, there would be food particles (gundruk and sinki ) from my birthplace. Wherever I go or what ever I do my identity and the fact that I’m from Nepal won’t change. Hey! You are wrong. I don’t hate my country. I just feel sorry for myself and my fellow countrymen and women.
I’m from Nepal and Nepal is my birthplace and it’s the fact that I won’t regret until I’m mentally sick. Fact that I lived my childhood and the way my country gave me few peaceful moments to rejoice my innocence and wilderness would always motivate me to love my country. . Yeah! However or at what condition I will stand but my body and soul will always tempt to have his last moments in Nepal.
Lately my country is on fire and it’s us (Nepalese people) who lit the fire. Fires of discrimination, racism because of the fact you belong to different tribe and different parts of the Nepal? Does it make sense? Yeah I think it does, as some of the people who are leading such fake revolution are people with Degrees and Doctorate. I’m writing this because I want the world to know what makes Nepalese different from them or what we lack in our sperm and ova so that we can’t give birth to a true Nepalese a strong and true revolutionary.
Yeah You can be the next MP !!! taking oath !!!
 Now lets talk about my countrymen. I’m not joking guys but if you want to be a minister just fly to Nepal and help some political group to burn tyres and support them, you can be the next foreign minister tomorrow. I have seriously stopped updating with the name of prime ministers and president of my country Nepal because it changes so fast perhaps you wouldn’t change your toothbrush as fast as the president and the prime ministers of my country changes. Don’t ask me about my country’s ministers, they change so fast that perhaps I don’t change my boxers that often. (Don’t Think I’m dirty)
This is what we fight for! For a ray of light...for a hope..fake
My countrymen have started to turn into bats and owls because we don’t have electricity and kerosene to lit light during nights.  Again we have started to gain that lost vision power to see things in the darkness because of the load shedding we are having. At some places people just don’t remember when they charged their phones for the last time and unfortunately my home do fall in that place. Except the fact my country is one of the richest in natural resources in the world we had nothing to make our country stand out but now we do have facts to make us stand out as the country with longest load shedding, the longest strike (most days of the year being strike) for economy market falling down for having the greatest and dumbest number of ministers with exceptional qualities of bribery.

Your country might have trends or fashion of clothing and music but in my country, currently there is a trend to create a new political party and the competition to organise strike. It’s not the outsiders to lead and follow that strike; it’s us to support them. Oh!! Though we don’t have a train in our country but we do have a longest train of strikes and demonstration as one strike leads the other for e.g. few months back students put on a strike because they couldn’t cheat on their exam and some groups demonstrated against them. Wow it can be a fun to listen but it’s nothing worse than to be a victim.
Current trend in nepal!! Fake or Real????
Those bodies proved to be just a sacrifice for our leaders !!!!
Oh! I nearly forgot to share one thing as it’s been old but fact is fact we did turned blind and deaf when our own king and his family were murdered? What a shameless people we have turned, as we were the one who used to die protecting their relatives but turned deaf and blind when we lost our own guardian and yeah worshipped the murdered in the form of god and regarded as a next king. I’m not in favour of monarchy but with the least humanity we could have done better than what we did then.
I wonder if that grin is for the change he had in his life!
There was a decade long Maoist Revolution which ended with the end of Monarchy but shamelessly I have to tell that after multiple of years we haven’t been able to bring the right constitution in our country because we are really busy dividing our share of seats in the parliament and exchange with cleverer ministers to suck the people and country. Oh! How can I forget about the leaders who leaded the revolution? they used to live in jungle but now they have bungalows and cars, expensive gadgets and they have gained much weight perhaps falls on the obesity category.  There were always good changes after a long and hard revolt in the world and its history but my country has made a record from being worse to worst after a decade long bloody revolution. But we have progressed on giving birth the hundreds of new cheap leaders and ministers. A glued and totally weightless leader and minister who have the tenacity to extend as a rubber to get power and money, that’s what we have progressed so far after the sacrifice of thousands of innocents people. I think even the current government official don’t hold the statistics about the number of political parties in the country because every day there is a birth of new political party.

I’m not writing this blog to curse ministers or leaders of our country as that would prove me helpless to the world but want to prove that how foolish we (Nepalese) are. “ Unite we stand Divide we fall “ we know that but did remix to this saying and have our one “Unite we fight divide we kill” as we are busy to dividing our country.  I tagged us as a ‘fool’, and you might be reddened with anger about my accusation. Why I called everyone fools? Because it is the truth and I know its bitter but we earned it. Look around you who is going on a strike and burning tyres and doing the act of vandalism? Is it the Leaders or we? Technically leaders tend to lead but in my country the supporter leads and leaders hides in a safe place. We preach of peace but at the same time get to the road shouting the slogans and burning tyres. Aren’t we foolish? Aren’t we multi tongued and confused about what we want?
 How many leaders were killed in a decade long civil war and how many ministers were killed and murdered till now in our country? Perhaps our fingers becomes too much to count, Isn’t it? But can you count the number of our people killed and murdered till now? No we can’t …It’s not coz we don’t know the number but it’s because we killed them and have guilt as we stand there supporting their murderer.  What a bunch of eunuch people we have been? A county of Gurkhas!!! Gurkhas who kept the world under fear to lead the foreign country to victory but when it comes to fighting for ourselves we proved to be a dead soul or dead body ……… when it comes to bravery we have always been short sighted.  We have been blinded and fooled and played emotionally by these leaders. We are too emotional about some fragile cause. We demonstrate and revolt without thinking and later regret and blame on others. We have the courage to kill sick patients to hospital by burning ambulance or blocking their way but we are scared to slap a minister or leaders? We have this tradition of being a meat-eating monk. No! We are eunuch, a clever one who don’t have the guts to face to truth but have the guts to do anything if there is some backup, after all we all are same like leaders looking a safe path for our own. Isn’t It??

We demand of equality but we are ourselves discriminating among ourselves else why a Nepalese who have courage to murder innocent people can’t murder a cruel and selfish minister or leader. It’s because we believe their life’s hold multi value than the average citizen. Am I right? Just stay with your heart.
And we are foolish coz though how much the ministers and political parties twists us and torments us instead of murdering them we are murdering the innocence. Don’t we know the law? Sentence of killing a minister and an innocent citizen is same!!!! Hope I’m right here!

People hate her for being a suicide bomber ! but i truly wonder about her courage !!!
Yeah I’m serious about testing and comparing my semen with the guys from other parts of world who can give birth to a suicide bomber and I can’t (ALL NEPALESE)? I’m eager to know what lacks in our semen and ova? How we aren’t able to give birth to one suicide bomber who can die for his country but can give birth to thousands of gurkhas who can die for foreign country? I’m serious about bombers and killers. Sometimes when I hear of a man/ woman who were killed coz their ambulance have been burned or hospitals been shut coz of some stupid demonstrations I really wish that the death person were able to foresee his death and turned into suicide bomber and killed our one of the ministers.  
This is what we can do !!! (hahhaha)
Our minister truly knows we are bunch of eunuch and greedy peoples who can be blinded with a thousand bucks or a seat in the organisation. They are one of falsely talented leaders who can break the nation into such pieces that we wont be able to find its reminiscences. I sometimes wonder why I have been so coward as though I’m aware of the ill things going on and still doesn’t have the courage to terrorise these minister. Our minister thinks they can do anything they want as they have the steering wheel to drive the people. I know I can’t make any difference neither do this blog …but I would think that my effort worked if someone there stands out and kill one of these fake leaders.
We are preaching peace but it’s so fake and gay that we our selves can’t face each other looking in the mirror.  What difference does it make if you kill a fake leader in spite of innocent citizen? If we are truly seeking peace then this should have happened a long time ago. It’s not happening because we have been used to being their characters a proper robotic dolls and true servant but at the same time can’t stop barking like a stray dogs about our demand of a peaceful country. Oh! Come on stop preaching and acting like a bunch of fool by organising peace rallies or any stupid movement if you seriously want to revolt then hit the target in his chest thrust your khukuri on his body, shove their heads and only they will start to think about the consequences. Else it’s all in vein coz their hearts have already turned to stone after they played the holi with our people’s blood. A proper raw blood. The revolt should be upside down. In the earlier revolution people were killed but the one I’m talking the leaders should be killed. At least after that we can get a true leader who is ready to sacrifice his head to serve the country and that’s when we can hope a pure patriotism from them. Every leader who is so busy to divide our country I have two middle fingers pointing towards you and yeah it’s for you!!!
I'm Wating for that rifle to be pointed towards our ministers!!
Every things has its limit and leaders and ministers it’s not me it’s the science telling that…there’s no guarantee that we would be giving birth to eunuchs only as we are mixing our sperm and ova with foreigners be careful there can be a birth of suicide bombers and you can be the first victim!! Better think about than to regret, better cleanse the lust and greed about your position and seats and better start thinking about your country! Sometimes I wonder if I could inject some drugs that would compel leaders to vomit all their fakes and show their true colour but alas it’s just my imagination!! Not a reality  … I’m pathetic coz I don’t have the guts to slap them and thrust the khukuri on their fat filled chest of which they are so proud!!
 I’m just waiting for the fear inside us to be burned or waiting for the birth of true revolutionary who can sacrifice his life rather than drooling with the selfishness like you and me by killing these fake leaders.
Waiting the days to come!!!

Tuesday, 27 March 2012


A reflection of our addictions on the modern gadgets ...!!! Is a single snap(click from camera) greater than saving a life ???

What can i tell about me and you ....Picture speaks a thousand words ...look and just give a single thought where we are standing. You and i call our self proudly human ..but i call myself a man without humanity....i remove hu from human after i see this pic...
This is also a shake to the world how far we have been pushed into slavery by the modern gadgets..this pic really terrifies me though it's kindda suicide ,......
Bless us 

Monday, 19 March 2012

Love 2 Love????????

Which left me with a ?
‘Love’! I thought you were simple but despite of reading piles of books about you or watching thousand GB (gigabytes) of movies screened related to you, still leaves me blank when I tend to define you. I think the reason is I never try to grasp you or been coward to embrace you.
You know how much I’m hating to type these words as you might prove my words wrong because of your flexibity is such that you tend to bend the way situation bends you. You are like sand in the Gobi desert blowing in the same direction with the rhythm of the wind.
this can be a great Quote or can be a funniest joke!!
But I’m here trying to bare you naked about how I felt and feel about you “TILL TODAY” because I don’t have the confidence to challenge you as I’m scared of your tenacity to drag the whole world in favor of you to prove my words wrong . When I overconfidently tend to judge you and compare with the characters of the book and movie I have gone through, later I realize myself, what a fool I have been as a book or movie is just a single person’s perception about you. That’s when I tend to lose my mind because you leave me blank when I feel most confident about you.  World can neither escape from your spell nor can embrace you because you are as deceiving as jack. Thus I have no other option then to write my thoughts and experiences about ‘you’.
 You have such a gravity to pull the whole world, that despite knowing you are full of shits and have few happiness people risk their chance to get 5% of ‘you’ despite of 95% chance to get shits.When you cling on people, I, everyone lose their  capability to judge you. This leaves me mysterious about you.
Are you thinking what i'm thinking ???
“Love” when you invite fight, jealousy, breakup and crimes I start to feel numb about you. But when you tend to mix with lust and become the world’s complicated cocktail which makes me think of the calculation Love = Sex, I start to lose faith on you and start to see stars, moons on the broad daylight. You know why I’m confused so much about you it’s because of the experiences I have gone through and seen. Oh ‘Love’ when you beg marriage to make you complete why you beg divorce to be your next boyfriend? ‘Love’ sometimes I feel you are disgusting but the feeling I had during my first crush blackmails me to forgive you. I think you have done the same with everyone. You are a dualist coz you have that power of giving the utmost pleasure and times 2 pains at the same time.
True to Me!!what you think!!!
Here I’m though been already 20, I’m more confused than I was .Years ago When I had a fling with this yahoo(social site) girl you came to whisper me that I was in love but it ended with the wrong calculation.
How you define that incident when you came across me and lured me to be with you when I started to dream of a girl during my college days? I hope this quotes perfectly defines my heydays’ relationships.
After the fall of teenage, I woke up and sympathized myself  that I was too young or had infatuation in the previous relations but after my cousin’s  breakup  who was 25 , older than me , with his long term girlfriend ,you  pricked me a little about the age factor in love and mockingly whispered me that I was wrong about you.
Wish i won't be the guy over here!!
After few years later, I started to earn my own bread and told myself that I was ready to be in relationship then some bitter thing happened with my best friend as he broke up with his girl whom he had loved for years and promised to get married ‘now’ knowing the reason that she belong to different clan and his parent’s disapproval of their marriage. Love Are you laughing or crying???
Few months back, one of my brit colleagues (from my workplace) had special experience about ‘you’ similar like that of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake only the difference being that they didn’t get married on that night.  He met this hot blonde on the club and said he was smitten by the so called “love on first sight” and spent the night together but the next day he came to work saying when they woke up the following morning they didn’t recognize each other and was asking us what happened that night. I couldn’t hold my laughter.

The most complicated one is that of my maternal uncle and aunt who have a son same as my age and now they want a divorce because they say that they have now found their respective soul mates. Fact they told the same thing when they were getting married years ago my aunt being the eyewitness. I’m puzzled and dazzled by you ‘Love’.
To my Aunt And uncle wishing them gudluck !!!!
I thought you were mysterious to me because I’m naïve but you left me blank when I found that the philosophers, writers and scientists whom I respect were also puzzled by you. Now with the 21st Century on my path and characters (celebrities) real dramas about you on their real life you make me wonder more about you.
You are really a mystery like Life and death may be a greater one as death and life is fixed but you aren’t. No worries I have made up my mind with the famous quote “Everything is fair in love and war” .I don’t know much about war because there is rules of engagement and so many other rules military and civil like that of cobweb to bind soldiers that can drive you to the deathbed but I think “love” You are a British Constitution, as u can’t be defined in written form by these ugly alphabets and tend to have the elasticity of ‘it’ whenever and wherever you can be extended according to the need of a ‘ruler’. You are amendable. You can neither be caged by these silly emotions nor by these funny tears which foolishly think it can melt you but you have the melting point higher than that of diamond. You have such elasticity that you tend to flop that of latex and chewing gum. The winner becomes the party who can bend wrong to right or create an illusion that he is right though he is wrong like a lawyer in the court. Yeah you can be deceiving as fox so I am not trusting you neither defining you until I’m resting on my deathbed. It’s just my perception about what I have seen and felt so far. But as for me now It’s a matter of being hurt or hurting someone and don’t have the guts to be the first one..? I think maximum follow me in this case. Or you should be prepared to count stars in the broad day light with few kisses of cocktail and shots.
That's My spirit!!!
 Best of luck

Sunday, 4 March 2012

Where Hope Is Murdered Before They Are Born

Satisfaction and happiness aren’t guaranteed in human life which leaves human life as an unfolded mystery.  There is always greed that sticks like superglue in our life. Worries and tensions are other form of greed. It looks different but at the end it takes it real form, which is greed. My thoughts aren’t just my perception it’s a wakeup call to the world, time to realize about where we stand from rest of the world. Most of the people who will go through my blog must have thought once about what I’m writing about. My thoughts might sound offensive to certain people but as I have right to express ….I’m ready to take the challenges that my words might bring. After all my words aren’t a false barking, it’s roaring of truth that the world needs to hear.
Oh ! We Lucky Brats!
Recently questioning with my unsatisfied life, I felt like I have got the biggest problem and thought I was only the one who was unsatisfied. But what a moron I was??Being brought up in a decent family with good education I had started to think the world is better than my life. I felt I was the only one going through pain and misery?? I’m sure I’m not the only one to think like that. I can see loads of worries in the newspapers, Facebook, twitters and magazines. Reading all those brain washing problems of people I had become one of them. You don’t have to think much about 
what I’m talking about….I is talking about your problem and mine too. And yeah you are a moron and I’m too. Because those who are on real problems won’t be able to read my blog neither they might have idea about what Blog means?? You might be cursing me for tagging u moron but after reading my blog, hope you would feel my tag was true. Yes! I’m talking about your heart broken life which might have left you suicidal. If you are going to suicide, do not worry I won’t stop you but give me 5 minutes of your miserable life then you can do anything after reading my blog. Some of you might be in tensions about why your girlfriend or boyfriend left you?? Some might be wondering why they can’t have lifelike of celebrity. Celebrities might be wondering about their breast size, their genital size their weights and appearances… about their six pack about their looks. you might be wondering about your finance , needs , and everything. Yeah everyone in every level of society, they are in tensions and worries. But the society and people I’m going to talk about don’t know what we are worrying about??
A Graduate from International university ! What a waste and a great curse?
Yeah currently going through the notes and books about the lives of people living through war and dictatorship, I tagged myself as a greatest moron. I was compelled to compare my life with theirs and at the end I was laughing and crying at the same time. Yeah I was going crazy both positively and negatively. Yes I’m talking about North Korean people who have to go to labor camp for not cleaning the portrait of their leader. I’m talking about the children of Somalia who shrinks to the size of mouse before dying of hunger and yeah I’m talking about the women’s of Africa who have lost everything  but still tries to breastfeed their child until they shrinks to the size of super 0 figure before dying with their infants suckling on their dead bodies. I was thinking I’m living in the country with problems but I was too naïve about the meaning of “problem”. Youngsters like me who are living in developed countries put a complaint about their parents not letting them to go to party, some youngsters jump in front of the train for being dumped. You have right to your life and yeah you can end when you want but just let me share how hard people try to live their life under the worst circumstances. We should visualize about the innocent African people fighting for their last breath because of hunger, about an infant who was shot by the rebel’s gun and fighting for his life.
God you weren't my creator you were the cause of my misery !
North Korea being one of the mysterious countries in the world, they are living life beyond our imagination. Once talking about Korean you might have the impression about the hot, sexy and plastically cute South Korean model and young hunk with cheesy smile in some dramas and movies. But they have their own brothers and sisters living in the dark side of the world who struggle for their daily needs, who have survived the famine when North Korea didn’t get any support from other countries. Ask a North Korean girl surviving in labor camp about what a bachelor party means?? Ask a boy from North Korea what’s clubbing means?? They will start to sing their national prayer about their dictator leader like a rifle in the burst mode. This isn’t their will but under the nozzle of the gun, their lips automatically fire the prayer in a burst mode. The women and children in Afghanistan torn apart because of war, people of Somalia torn between civil war, HIV, and famine, they all are human like us. Can you give me a good reason why they have that life and why we haven’t? While talking about war you might think soldiers with guns killing people & children but they aren’t the real culprit. They are themselves the other victims of war. No people are born as a trained killer. It’s the situation (do or die) that compel them to kill people. But you should keep in mind those soldiers who have triggered a gun in people’s life live a haunted life throughout his life. You can figure out who is the real culprit? Is it the guys in uniform or the guys in suits who decide where to deploy these soldiers and order them to kill??
Do you have tears in your eyes for my death or saving for the suicide of some celebrity ?
Going through a book about North Korea “Nothing To Envy” I felt like is it true?? But after researching through websites and papers, notes and many other sources, interviews of defecator from North Korea I found that the book was true. Can you imagine your life in prison camp with your family for watching the foreign channels? Yes it’s the consequences that north Korean people have to face. We might be boasting about our rights and freedom but there are some places where you lose your rights before you were born. Last year, with the death of Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, and this year of Whitney Houston because of drug overdose people flooded with tears, it surprised me as we had been deaf to the death of thousands of people in Africa, Afghanistan where they died because of we didn’t help them, we didn’t voice for them, we didn’t fight for them to wipe a group of dictator who resulted war in these countries. I myself was stunned to the way our selfish mind has changed our holy soul into a paranoid soul. If not so why would we shed tears and would worry about the suicide of singers who sang about the characters that touched our heart while the real characters are being killed in front of our eyes?? Aren’t we a real moron??? They chose their own death, but one who wants to live are being killed and murdered on this same world we are sharing.
A month ago, with the death of North Korean leader ‘ Kim Jung il’, there was a choreographed death mourning people in front of the camera but as I had known the truth I questioned myself, Are they truly mourning over his death or shedding tears of happiness and freedom on the death of this brutal, selfish soul? (As I have read that the North Korean government punishes the one who don’t shed tears on their leader’s death.)Beside these countries, there are list of countries where life is beyond our imagination, Nepal, India, Burma etc. While judging about these countries, do not judge looking at the minor people on the limelight, you should be judging looking at the overall people of these countries.   But to be honest the developed countries are also infected with the virus of sex slavery and different crimes.
YEs ! Our Freedom is caged here and you don't have the guts to help us , Do  You ?
Girls might be wondering about showing off their sexy thighs and well developed breast but what if you were born in a country where girls in burka are raped and where women’s breast sticks to their ribs cage because of hunger ? Just consider lucky and take a deep sigh. So goes to the boys, we might be complaining about school or college being hard for us but what if we were born in some African countries where you will be handed AK4 7 before you know your age to go to school!!  We might be boasting about the number of girls we bedded down during our bachelor life but what if we were born in a country where you would be exchanging your life to hold your last breathe.  You and I should be thanking to god! The rights, freedom we boast of are possible in few countries that we lucky brats are living.  There is people living life beyond our imagination. There are places where there is light for few people and darkness for the millions. There is darkness beyond our imagination. The light we are seeing is just the illusionary light to create a false pride on us, to make you boast of who you are and to give you a false sense of freedom but after a few hundred miles from the place we are living there is pitch black darkness where we would be crawling to get a ray of hope.  That’s the reality we need to live on.
Though, myself been raised on the brink of 10 years civil war, I consider myself lucky to these African people and North Korean people, because we had day to rejoice our life during civil war. but these people have to live day and night in fear.  Night made the decision of our fate whether we would be orphaned or be taken to fight for the terrorist or killed with the army’s bullet. But the people I’m talking lose their hope as soon as they realize they have life. It’s worst to live without ray of hope than being killed or murdered. Hope is the only means of living or surviving. Hope is the living shadow of life.
Now comparing our problem with these people, do you still think you are unlucky?? Are you still suicidal?? If yes than can you do these people a favor? Can you write a note of will to your parents or to the police or to the government about donating the expenses that they might have to spend in upbringing you  to donate to these people who are dying because it’s their compulsion not an excuse to escape away from problems like you and me  !! I think it would be the first good thing you and I would have ever done. It might leave a slight ray of hope on us being treated good in hell.
You might feel depressed, frustrated with your life which is normal but to lose hope to live life and to struggle is worse than death. If you fall don’t give a damn about it! Try to bounce back. That will give you a feeling that you can live your life. My motto to write this blog isn’t to make you revolutionary or neither to motivate you to be suicidal but to help you make a reasonable decision when you are feeling low in some stages of you your life. To make you bold to face the problem in spite of being suicidal, to make you feel you are a blessed soul and luckiest of all to have such a great free life. Life always comes with a challenge but you have to kick it with your greatest strength so that you can feel the challenge was nothing compared to the people who have lost their every right and freedom before they were born.

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Truth Is Bitter

                             Please play the song before you start my blog !

I don’t know how I ended to this piece of paper. I don’t know if this is true or not but the feeling it has stirred on me is true and painful. It hurts and will keep hurting till my life. This piece of paper is so full of pain that I was scared to share and I’m sure it gives no one a pleasant feeling after reading this piece of paper. I’m a man and  man aren’t supposed to be sentimental but I’m sharing a thought  and compelling people to think of  the subject I’m going to raise instead of being sentimental. One of my friends told me, “A real man raise the issues but a boy try to hide the issue”. That line was inspiring to me .The so called our “toughness” of man results the negligence and results problems in our life. This problems sometimes results crime either illegally or most inhumanly.
I'm not an exceptional guy because I’ve been raised by the way you were raised. I grew up the way you have been grown up but my thoughts started to linger where I could see a problem. Couple of years ago I was in a serious relationship with this woman, whom I had shared my dream of being together  but later realized that that dream was vacant and we two were really selfish. We broke up for the best.  I was a hypocrite and so was she. We dreamt a dream where there was no place for our old parents. That feeling still terrifies me. This piece of paper exactly brought me that same feeling when I was feeling more guilty than heartbroken.  I don’t think I’m the only one to have this kind of dream. How many of you dreamt a dream with your girlfriend with your old parents in it? If you are honest to yourself, only a few did.
You can't see the pain in my laughter ! Do you ?
We are always busy thinking about our weekend plans and night out and dating. We can chat for hours with our friend on the internet but we don’t seem to have a single second to talk to our old parents (includes granny). Few years back I was really sensible to these things as I had my old granny in my own house.  She was the one to make me feel special in the whole family.  She chose me instead of other 25 grandchildren. I was also special to her but I didn’t bribe her to create such feeling neither did I serve her 24/7. What I did was just a humanly act. I gave her my few minutes to listen her talks and stories that made her day and her face would shine like that of moon. I’m not lying. If you haven’t seen a moon on your granny’s face than try once.  You will see the brightest smile in your life. Those lining on his/ her face, will reflect the happiest memories of his/her youth. Their wrinkled eye bags hold the mystery of their life which they want to share to their children. But we don’t have times. We have becomes the slaves of the technology and gadgets. Our true joys been engulfed by these materialistic world.
Come on ! i'm not Old to Play Computer!
They are not asking us more, they want our happiness and so they won’t bother you with their problems. You have to look for it. We are so foolish that we forget that one day we will be old. The stream we leap on a jump today will be hard to cross even with a bridge. We are real idiots to forget these small things. Just think what we expect when we get old and do the same to your old ones, they will be praying to god for having you. My granny told me when one get old the cycles starts again. Old people start to behave like an infant and dies on the same process. I never understood her but today I can get slightest view of her saying. Once we get old our heart becomes as delicate like of infants, so as our body to disease and climate. Strength tends to be like of infant. That’s the stage where you will feel more pain of the words that hurts you. At this stage you know all the meanings but you are so weak to control your emotions.  Infants tend to be luckier in this case because they can be hurt easily they don’t know why they been hurt and forgets everything soon but it’s different to old people.
i wonder if i could give this smile at his age!
I have spent quite a lot of times with the old people and haven’t regretted a single moment nor have the feeling that I wasted my time. Their serenity always inspired me and wondered how they manage to keep it permanently. I remember everything about my grandmother, her boldness to hide her pain and her smile to fake her wellbeing. These things haunt me. May be I was not old enough to see things in depth.  I remember her temper on me when I was fighting for her because she didn’t want people to mislead.  How could my granny who was so illiterate could have so much wide thinking? We boast of our certificate but certificates are illusory to give birth of false seen of achievement. We are trying to measure our life’s success by our certificates and grades which is shallow because at the end your life’s success is measured by the happiest moment you had and shared with your loved ones.
I’m not barking like a stray dogs but I’m roaring like a lion to let our self-know how foolish we are behaving to ourselves. At the end, no one can resist aging and death. Death timing is a mystery to everyone. That’s the point where god became fair to everyone.  We are ourselves parents and some of us are on the way to parenthood but few only can escapes from this stage. Should I tag them as lucky or unlucky?? I’m just confused. They can tag themselves. 
How developed your thoughts might be?  How strong, educated, independent you might be? You start to bend towards dependence at your old age. None imagine their old life in Care home or hospital or anywhere being apart from their family. That would be the worst nightmare if they have to. They would cry with greatest pain of their life. You won’t be able to make it later. If you aren’t able to serve them just let them stay with their loved ones. Hate in this stage can only be one sided and it’s from our side. They want to stay with their loved ones because they see their past on their new innocent children. They see their dream being accomplished in real. Though how badly they manage to survive with their loved ones they tend to smile with the sense of achievement and pride of being cared. Finally they want to take their last breathe with their loved ones around them with a smile on their face. Death was always a mystery to me. In this case it was more mysterious. My granny sought me before her last breathe as I was away from home for my education. After finally seeing me and holding my hand she took her last breathe but one thing remained always a mystery. She was pointing towards the ceiling with her finger ….but haven’t been able to find its meaning till now. Whenever I remember her and that moment, it gives me a kind of feeling that she wanted to share something with me when I was away. I regret it but I can’t bring that moment.
You can join me !
If you don’t plant anything, it’s your foolishness to expect a tree. It’s same on parenting a child; child is like a barren land. Whatever you plant on him/her, it grows with the same fruit on him/ her. If we raise our child with the sense of responsibility that we expect from them when we grow old you should be doing the same to your parents. We don’t have to create a separate plan for our old parents we just need to give a space on our day to day life. Like, let our children teach their grannies to play video games or teach them video chat with their loved ones.  You will see never forget their grin on their face and creates a strong bond in our family. The dreams we are dreaming with our children were the same dream they dreamt with us.
But the reality is something else.  We are so much in love with the outer world, we are hollow from inside. Our life is like a pumped balloon which looks so colourful but don’t hold the true happiness and freshness of our lives. We are too obsessed with the materialistic happiness. We think of presenting our kids with PSP instead of spending time with them. So we work day and night to fill these needs and at the end up being a “ballooned parents”. But when kids tend to mature, the time spent with them help to shape their future and behaviour not the gift we had presented to them though how hard we might have worked to buy it.
So, for me getting into relationship doesn’t mean the shortest happiness I can see with my girlfriend. I look to the horizon if I can create my world with her that’s where it helps me to differentiate between lust and love.  Saying “I love you” in every conversation seems to be the most difficult things in my relationship because that’s simply telling a lie and being hypocrite.  Just think about what you promise and about the word I love you. You won’t resent if you give it a thought. I don’t tell you to go deeper but don’t make it too shallow so the world might laugh on you. Think before you blabber. And yeah when it comes speaking with the old people dump your anger and bad words in the permanent bin not in the recycle in
“For your present I gave my past!!!! “
Bless me

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Confession of my “Strange Disease” (First Confession)

Here I’m writing my first blog. To be honest, I don’t know why I’m writing but one thing I know is that my heart is happy to write. People write with their minds but here I’m writing with my heart and the ink of my heart is quite deep and dark.
I might sound funny and odd, you might think that I ‘m creating a scene for my blog but I have vowed to write truth and starts with the truth. The reason behind my writing is my “strange Disease”. The disease which has no cure and I know I would be living with that disease throughout my life. I called it a disease because it makes me suffer, gives a pain to my heart and mind. It’s like a migraine to my mind and a feeble heartache to my heart.  To be honest I really didn’t like to write nor did I want to study and glare at books. I thought books were tiny compared to nature. The world was a great book for me and still is. I might sound plain but that that’s how I feel and to be honest I used to call fool who used to lose their life in books. But today my hate became only the cure to my disease and I’m embracing with grace!!!
It started when I was still an innocent boy and hadn’t known the world better. But then there was my granny to listen me. By the end of high school, I suffered a great tragedy I lost my cure, I lost my granny. I became numb but then my “strange disease” started to rise. Sometimes I felt that it would engulf my life. I started to lose my moment. I tried to indulge myself in games and work but neither did they work. There was this feeling of dissatisfaction and the feeling in my heart that I was missing something important from my life. I feel like my soul was oscillating and my minds was sin trauma.
The problem was that I couldn't stop thinking about people, life, problems and surroundings. It would be normal if it was rare but thoughts started to come though I was working my mind or I was engaged in something. This was being hindrance to my normal life. My mind and heart was piling up with thoughts. I was lost on my own. Teachers, friends said I kindda looked lost. I was afraid that they would laugh at me if I shared the truth .The creation of thoughts didn't let me off so easily. The biggest problem was that I wasn't sure what I was missing.
My life was dwelling between normality and abnormality. The world seemed as a squeezed lemon. So distressed I was that couldn't even sleep peacefully. I would wake up in the midnight, frightened and find myself struggling to breathe. With my every heartbeat thoughts and ideas started to pile up about everything I could think and see around me. I couldn't stop thinking and playing with thoughts. I was afraid of the thoughts being piled up and effect that they gonna cause to my mental state. I was looking for a bin where I can bin my thoughts. I thought they were just useless thoughts but at some point I found that it was giving me a new dimension to think about my life and world.
I was in desperately seeking solution for my sickness. But one night I woke up and started to write about the thought that was fighting in in my dream .I wrote in unconsciousness because I couldn't recall what I wrote about. But suddenly the feeling of being cured came and I had a good sleep that night after a long time .Dream was one of the horrible things I had because it would be scary and blurry dreams. I thought that I would start to write about everything going in my mind so that they won't end up piling in my brains .I finally started to write about everything, when my mind would be in trauma and my heart felt it's not in ease. Writing cured my illness temporarily. Though it cured but still hated to write because every piece of my writings was the outcome of vigorous mental fight. I hate to go through and write but after all, I could feel self-satisfaction at the end of every piece of my writing.  I hated the fact that I have to write while I’m travelling, while I’m doing something, the fact my mind has to go through lots of mental war. But still felt relieved because there might be some reason behind that feeling.  I decided to write and post in public and this is how I ended up posting my first blog. There is no reason to blog but it’ only hope to my “strange disease”. A blank paper is like a sleeping pill to me after I fill it with my thoughts .I read the first book at the age of 17. It was great and really helped me. I felt in love with its scent which dragged me to the library. That’s how my life changed with the change in my thoughts and attitude.
 I’d like to share everything with people ...listen and read their ideas, views and share mine too. Here I’m doing the first confession about my life.    You can feel free to share anything on my blog post. Hope we would be able to create a destiny with our own words. Helping hands can help you to make life better and create a better world for yourself and others.
Wish me good luck

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